Change is Like a Game of Chutes and Ladders: Normalizing that not everyday is going to be a great day using the Transtheoretical Model Stages of Change

Change is Like a Game of Chutes and Ladders

I don’t know if you have ever tried to enact any kind of change in your life–whether a large change such as a major change to eating or giving up alcohol, drugs, or tobacco; or a small change such as initiating a daily 5-minute meditation practice–but you may have noticed that it’s not always easy or simple and it may not always be clear why. So then we might blame ourselves or some external sources. But I’m here to highlight and validate the fact that change is not a linear process, but rather more like a game of Chutes and Ladders [Hasbro Gaming]. 

Some days you are able to move forward in a succinct and stable manner, other days may include supports that help to hold you up or propel you forward, and yet other days may include slipping backwards or relapsing. The important thing to note is that while one might experience a relapse, slip, or backslide, it does not negate or erase all of the skills you have acquired nor the progress you have made thus far. 

That being said, on any given day, our level of motivation (and/or commitment) to our change may wax and wane. The Transtheoretical Model of Change exemplifies the various stages of change we often experience as we initiate changes in our lives (specifically larger behavioral change), which include: 

1. Precontemplation: Often lacking insight or awareness of a problem 

   You: I don’t have a problem, everyone drinks like me! 

2. Contemplation: Often starting to recognize that a problem exists/noticing negative consequences, but still ambivalent about initiating change. 

   You: Everyone may drink like me, but why am I the one usually getting in trouble and struggling with work/school? I maybe need to cut back. 

3. Preparation: Often ready to make a change (in the near future) and may start to take small steps to initiate change such as engaging in research, making calls, collecting resources, etc. 

   You: Google “do I have a problem” and reading articles on the internet about problematic use of alcohol and treatment centers nearby

4. Action: Often taken steps to actively change. 

   You: Participate in an intake appointment for a treatment center

5. Maintenance: Often able to sustain the change consistently for a significant amount of time. You: Successfully cease use of alcohol for 30 days, 6 months, etc. 

Now that we have lined up these phases in linear order, here’s a friendly reminder that it’s not always that simple:

It’s not abnormal to wake up one day and be in Preparation ready to make a change because “I can’t live like this anymore…”

and then the day comes to be admitted into a treatment program or step foot in the gym for the first time, and you slip back into Contemplation where you might say “Eek, I do need to change, but not today because…”

or even slip back into Precontemplation where you might say, “I overreacted, it’s really not that big of a deal, I’m fine the way I am…”

Or maybe you’ve successfully engaged in Maintenance for a few weeks or months and you think “meh, one day off won’t hurt” or “I haven’t had a drink in 6 months, I can have just one…” 

Anything can happen…

And that’s where, and why, we often add Relapse as an unofficial “6th stage” of change. It may not happen to everyone, but it’s also not uncommon and it can happen no matter where you are within the 5 stages. A relapse can be minimal (one drink, one cookie, missing one day at the gym) or it can include more significant/consistent return to previous behaviors. That being said, it’s important to normalize the relapse stage as part of the change process.

While it can often feel scary for the person making the change, or that person’s loved ones, it should not have to be equated with “failure”. Rather, it can be a helpful learning experience: did you fall back into old patterns of behavior, did you miss an opportunity to utilize a skill, are you able to notice a blindspot or area for improvement in your maintenance plan? And then, what do you need to do to work your way back into Maintenance?

And, again, because change is not linear, it’s important to note that we do not have to go back to Precontemplation in order to make our way back into Maintenance after a Relapse. We can skip right ahead to Action and Preparation to get us back on track. 

I’d like to make a proposition:  In an effort to decrease shame and discouragement, can we honor that developing new skills takes time and practice and accept that relapses and/or slips/lapses are part of the process. 

If you have experienced a relapse, it can feel disappointing or discouraging. How can you utilize the skills you have developed thus far to seek the support you need to get back into Preparation and Action?

If you have a loved one who experiences a relapse, it can feel scary or disappointing. How can you support them to get back into Preparation and Action?

Stay tuned… 

If you are located in the Vancouver, WA area and struggling with slipping back into Relapse after extended periods in Maintenance, click here for more information about how I may be able to help. 

If you are located in the Vancouver, WA area and struggling to support a loved one who is struggling with slipping back into Relapse, click here for more information about how I may be able to help.