Shift: Managing Your Emotions--So They Don't Manage You (2025) by Ethan Kross
Ethan Kross, professor and researcher at the University of Michigan, is also the director of the Emotion and Self-Control laboratory where he is regularly exploring the “why?” questions related to emotions to help us understand what they are, why we have them, and how to harness them. This book explores the research to help identify a working definition of emotions (and discern them from feelings), as well as outline a blueprint to help us utilize the tools that we have effectively (because we hadn’t yet seen the instruction manual).
Kross initially outlines internal emotional shifters (the internal tools that we all possess) such as our senses, attention, and perspective, and how to utilize them effectively to shift in and out of different emotional experiences. And then expands on the dynamic interplay between internal shifters can be triggered or activated by external forces such as the spaces we inhabit, people we interact with, and cultures we belong to. With increased insight and awareness, we can choose how to interact with these external forces to “boost the power of the internal shifters”.
How did I hear about this book: I saw it recommended via a couple of the therapist networking communities I’m a part of
Would I recommend it to colleagues: Absolutely
Would I recommend it to clients: Absolutely
How do I apply this content to my work: One of the components of the healing process in my work with clients is helping them to re-connect with their emotions and to feel safe to do so. Utilizing a variety of angles from both my various talk-therapy and dance/movement therapy lenses, I try to utilize psychoeducation to provide concrete information about the benefits and utility of emotions (and feelings), what they mean, and how to respond to these cues. On the flip side, I also try to explore with my clients how ignoring, suppressing, and/or repressing their emotions may have served them in the past, and how it may be contributing to the distress they are currently experiencing. And then, coupled with co-regulation and rapport, I help them to explore what happens when we acknowledge and respond to our emotions, process them effectively, and how we can move forward as opposed to trying to control them, power through them, or shut them down. The information provided in this book can help supplement the psychoeducation piece, as well as provide concrete tools and frameworks I can explore with my clients.
“Welcome to your emotional life: It’s a big, beautiful mess”, he says. And yes, yes it is. The sooner we can learn to adaptively embrace this fact rather than resist it (a little Radical Acceptance if you will…), the easier it might be.
If you live in Washington state and feel like you could use some support learning skills to support emotional regulation, please contact me and let’s schedule a free telephone consultation to talk more.
