Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle (2019) by Emily Nagoski, PhD, Amelia Nagoski, DMA
Ladies/anyone who identifies as being a lady, do you often (or always) feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and like you’re not doing enough? Well then, this book is for you!
In a confluence of scientific research and the art of storytelling, the Nagoski (twin) sisters help us pull back from our belief that we need to “do more” to achieve success (or relief) and thereby reinforcing that our struggle to do so is our own responsibility. The book is separated into 3 parts to help us shift the responsibility and re-frame our awareness of where we have control and agency:
Identifying the internal resources we have available to us,
Re-framing our understanding of the problem (spoiler alert: WE are NOT the problem), and
Identifying how we can leverage our internal resources and seek out other external resources (i.e., support and connection, rest, and self-compassion) to “defend ourselves and make peace with the ‘enemies’”.
By way of introducing us to the theory of the Human-Giver Syndrome, the Nagoski sisters formulate how the structure of our patriarchal society has created “balance” through the construction of binary social roles: Human Beings (who have a moral obligation to BE their full humanity) and Human Givers (who have a moral obligation to GIVE their humanity to Human Beings); a set up that appears to exemplify the co-dependent relationship dynamics of over-functioner and under-functioner. From this perspective, we are able to re-frame our understanding of the problem, our role in the problem, helping us to shift our beliefs about the responsibility we have to change it, and internal and external resources (such as healthy boundaries and social connection) to shift it in order to find a healthier inter-dependent construction of social balance and relief to our own stress.
How did I hear about this book: My DMT Supervisor recommended it
Would I recommend it to colleagues: Absolutely
Would I recommend it to clients: Absolutely
How do I apply this content to my work: I often reflect on the idiom “You can’t always see the forest through the trees". We can get backed into a metaphorical corner by our own limited awareness, perspective, and/or belief systems. And feeling “cornered” can lead us to feeling powerless or stuck, which can lead us to anxiety, depression, shutting down, or a number of other ailments. In my work with clients, I may use EMDR to help invite a new perspective, shift harmful beliefs, and/or move/unstick the negative energy they have been holding in their bodies. Through the use of other DMT techniques, we can explore more tactile ways to move through or move out of the stuckness and free ourselves from the corner. And finally, using a foundation of Polyvagal Theory, this is facilitated by creating an environment of safety and connection through co-regulation. By shifting our awareness of how the patriarchal social construction serves to reinforce our isolation and our responsibility, we can identify opportunities to create boundaries to prioritize care for ourselves, as well as seek connection and support from others to help us shift from surviving to thriving in a way that parallels recommendations for how we can shift out of co-dependent relationship dynamics in our family systems or other interpersonal relationship dynamics.
If you are in WA state and are struggling with stress and burnout, contact me and let’s see if we could be a good fit to work together!
