What to Do When Your Therapist Isn’t Working Out
So you did all this work, and put in all this effort, waited for an opening, and FINALLY started working with your therapist. But, this therapist isn’t working out for you. What do you do now???
Y’all, I have been there. My first experience seeking out therapy was not a good one: I was beyond overwhelmed and desperate for the support and I was limited on time/availability, money, and other resources. I took the first person that called me back with an opening. I wasn’t a therapist at the time, but did have my Masters degree in Social Work, and found a fellow SWer. I never felt comfortable with this person and always sat in their office defensive and with a chip on my shoulder (this should have been my sign). The therapist confronted me about this and noted that if I can’t open up during the sessions, that this was not going to work and maybe we were not the best fit. I acknowledged this feedback, and agreed, and the next session I made the decision to open up. And then this therapist closed the session with some commentary that I found to be offensive, inappropriate, and beyond non-therapeutic! I was furious and ended the relationship right then and there. Moral of the story: listen to your body/gut/instincts and don’t feel compelled to continue to work with a therapist at any point in the therapeutic process IF YOU DON’T FEEL COMFORTABLE.
So long as you are involved in a therapeutic relationship, you and your therapist are contracted to each other. But, YOU are in charge, YOU, are the one paying for a service, and YOU have the power to say when something is not working for you anymore. Now, this might be an opportunity for you and your therapist to review your feedback and work together to make some changes to make things work for you. Or, if you’re in a situation like I was, you might need to just listen to that gut feeling or little voice in the back of your head that says “something ain’t right here” and move on. In a case like this, your therapist can help to refer you out to someone else or you can decline this and go back to the drawing board yourself.
A couple of things to remember:
Whether or not you have completed the intake process, you are not locked in to working with this therapist.
This is your therapy (not your therapist’s), it should be working for you. If it’s not working for you, say something.
Do not worry about hurting your therapist’s feelings.
You are paying for a service. Get what you pay for.
The therapist may be the “expert” in therapeutic practice, but you are the “expert” of you. If something does not feel right to you, honor that.
YOU ARE NEVER COMPELLED TO STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT DOES NOT WORK FOR YOU (true in interpersonal relationships, true in therapy).