Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood (2016) by Lisa Damour, Ph.D

Dr. Lisa Damour, PhD helps to demystify the experience of the teenage girl by creating a bit of a “blueprint” to understanding the developmental trajectory of the adolescent girl as she transitions from childhood to adulthood. As the adults in the room, it is our job to help guide these young ladies through this period of transformation that can often feel chaotic and overwhelming–all the more reason they are going to need our help (even though they may be reluctant or resistant to receive it). Damour attempts to “untangle” the complexity by clarifying 7 strands of development –helping us to understand the “why” and “how” to approach it, as well as reviewing the spectrum between what is “normal” behavior and “when to worry” wherein she helps to identify recommendations about when you might want to consider seeking outside support.  The strands initiate with the early adolescent years (middle school) and progress through high school age: 

1. Parting with childhood

2. Joining a new tribe

3. Harnessing emotions

4. Contending with adult authority

5. Planning for the future

6. Entering into the romantic world  

7. Caring for herself

Much like her other books, Under Pressure and The Emotional Lives of Teenagers, Damour is helping to hold us accountable as the guides to help these young folx navigate a challenging transformation. Through the use of anecdotes from her clinical work, stories from friends, and her own personal experience, Damour presents both clinical research and anecdotes to exemplify her points. All the while maintaining a clear goal to “Help you to understand your daughter better, worry about her less, offer her more useful assistance on her journey through adolescence, and [...] stand in awe of how much developmental ground she will cover.“ 

How did I hear about this book: @armchairexpertpod

Would I recommend it to colleagues: Absolutely

Would I recommend it to clients: Absolutely

How do I apply this content to my work: As I mentioned in my reviews of Damour’s other books, I don’t work with youth in my clinical work, so it doesn’t apply directly. However, I do work with adults who are trying to support their own daughters through this pivotal time in their development. As such, my work with my clients often focuses on healing any traumas that may be interfering with their relationships with their daughters, developing skills to keep the adults grounded and regulated so they can be present with their daughters, helping them to identify their “crazy spots” and learning to take accountability for their shortcomings as a person rather than letting it fester as an insecurity, and developing healthy boundaries to foster interdependence in the relationship with their daughters to remain less entangled in the emotional consequences of their daughters’ behaviors so they may be able to remain separate by present.

If you live in WA state and are struggling to cope with supporting your daughter through this challenging developmental trajectory, contact me and let’s talk about ways I may be able to support you through it.

Disclaimers: These reviews are based on my own personal experience reading these books and do not reflect on the book’s author or publisher. I have not received any commissions or other incentives to promote my reviews. My reviews express my own unbiased opinions. 

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