Are You an Empath?

Photo by Carolina Heza on Unsplash

Are You an Empath?

Do you identify with being a sensitive person? Do you ever feel like that sensitivity can be a blessing or a curse? Do you ever feel like you can FEEL other people’s feelings? Do you ever feel like you can “read” some people? If so, you may be an empath. 

I have always been painfully sensitive. As a kid, I can remember struggling with feeling afraid to hurt the feelings of inanimate objects (logically knowing full well they did not feel). When I worked retail, I struggled with pushing “add-ons” or competing for sales with my peers. I wanted to help people find and purchase things they wanted, not try to encourage them or push them to buy things they didn’t want or need. And when I was choosing graduate schools, I looked at NYU because I thought it would be so bad-ass to live in New York. I spent three days in NYC checking out the campus and felt like I was being crushed by the anxiety of everyone around me. And then when I got to Chapel Hill, I felt like I was being wrapped in a warm hug by the campus and by the culture! 

Only in recent years did I start to learn about the word “empath” and I instantly resonated with the concept. And with that new insight and awareness came support and guidance of how I could adapt this unique gift into a helpful tool rather than debilitating experience. I’ve since read a number of books about “empaths”, “highly sensitive people” (HSPs), and other terms that related to this experience. The book I have resonated with the most is The Empath’s Survival Guide by Dr. Judith Orloff, MD. The language she uses to describe her experience mimics the language I often used to describe my experience (to others who did not get it). She combined anecdotal and medical information that was never dry or difficult to understand; she starts the book off with a quiz to help you identify where you land on the empath continuum; she provides exercises to help you manage your sensitivity; and she devotes an entire chapter to her experience related to how her sensitivities contributed to her substance use and recovery. 

I have often found, in my work with the addiction and recovery population, that a majority of my clients resonate with being an empath, as well as attributing much of their use to trying to numb out the intense sensations they experience, the overwhelming experiences of soaking in other people’s emotions/energies, being impacted more intensely by trauma, and/or just trying to be able to fit in with, or keep up with the rest of the world around them -- a fast-paced world that often supports getting ahead more than mindfulness of other people’s feelings, that holds extroverted traits in higher esteem than introverted ones, and/or encourages those of us with greater sensitivity to build “thicker skin” or to “toughen up” in order to survive. 

I am here to tell you that there is a place in this world for us and our special sensitivities. I am here to validate your gift and encourage you to lean into it as part of your path toward healing. I have learned to channel this trait into supporting the more concrete skills I have developed as a therapist. Furthermore, in leaning into my empathic experience, I am able to carry myself and behave in ways that feel more in alignment with my core sense of self. 

If you feel like you need support with managing your empathic traits, especially as part of your recovery process from substance use, schedule a FREE 15 minute consultation with me!